“A waiting person is a patient person. The word patience means the willingness to stay where we are and live the situation out to the full in the belief that something hidden there will manifest itself to us.”—Henri JM Nouwen (via myquotelibrary)
“To call woman the weaker sex is a libel; it is man’s injustice to woman. If by strength is meant brute strength, then, indeed, is woman less brute than man. If by strength is meant moral power, then woman is immeasurably man’s superior. Has she not greater intuition, is she not more self-sacrificing, has she not greater powers of endurance, has she not greater courage? Without her, man could not be. If nonviolence is the law of our being, the future is with woman. Who can make a more effective appeal to the heart than woman?”—Gandhi (via cwnl)
America (United States of): A country located in the N. Western Hemisphere that is #1.
Bible: A sacred text that provides incontestable answers when thumped.
Birth Certificate: An official birth record required of all US Presidents, regardless of race, since 2008.
Capitalism: A system of economic organization that has never been attempted.
Christmas: A holiday commemorating the birth of Jesus Christ, now rarely celebrated due to persecution by atheists.
Compromise: (uncommon) A form of political suicide.
Coast (East): A very bad coast of the continental United States.
Coast (West): Another really inexcusable coast.
Communism: The belief that the government should ever do anything.
Condescending: Accurately informed.
Constitution (U.S.): The hallowed founding document of the United States, the text of which must be interpreted strictly and amended immediately.
Corporations: Large people who are overtaxed.
Endangered Species: Animals that have it coming.
Evolution: A theory of human origins that is out there.
Extremist (Liberal): Espousing or adhering to political beliefs that are held by only a majority of Americans.
Forest (National): Trees that have it coming.
Gut: Region of the body from which decisions should be made.
Homosexuality: A membership-only lifestyle organization that perpetuates itself through youth recruitment.
Hitler: A man to whom it would be inappropriate to compare President Obama in spite of the many uncanny similarities.
Jesus: Charismatic religious leader and son of God; born in Bethlehem in the year 0; beliefs include love, charity, enhanced interrogation, privatized healthcare, elimination of the estate tax, and the right to carry concealed semiautomatic weapons.
Liberal: A person who should be rounded up and shot but not really.
Marxism: A political and economic philosophy developed by Karl Marx and promulgated by Paul Krugman.
Medicare: A fraudulent, socialistic boondoggle that is sacrosanct.
Mexicans: Brown people who have it coming.
Mountaintops: Ancient rock formations that have it coming.
Muslims: Brown people who have it coming.
News: Fox News
Organic: Eaten by lesbians.
Party (Tea): A grass-roots movement of patriotic Americans fighting for the principle of “No Taxation With Representation.”
Poverty: The condition of having inadequate financial or material resources due to not trying hard enough.
Propaganda: The politically motivated dissemination of biased information, opinion, or data through its publication in the New York Times.
Racism: A form of discrimination that typically happens in reverse.
Regulation: Rules issued by a government agency for no reason.
Scientist: A person who employs a rigorous system of observation, experiment, measurement, and verification to perpetuate his Godless left-wing agenda.
Taxes: Levies imposed by the government that raise more revenue the lower they are.
Terrorist: A person to whom a person who threatens to destroy the U.S. economy unless his demands are met should not be compared.
Wealthy (the): People who earned every penny.
Warming (Global): An anomalous, anthropogenic increase in the earth’s atmospheric and oceanic temperatures that isn’t happening.
“As you start looking inwards, you are amazed: you were ignoring yourself, and that was the trouble. That was why you were in misery, anxiety, suffering. You were trying everything to remove the misery, but it was caused by your unawareness, by your unconsciousness, by your ignorance of your own being. That was the cause. And unless that cause is removed, you will never have a taste of blissfulness, of ecstasy, of immortality, of the divineness of existence.”—Osho (via thefreenomad)
“Sky is not a limit for me; because I have no limit for myself in life. Because life is a world full of risk taking and possibilities. No matter how hard or easy life is; I will always find a way to enjoy myself; even in the mist of circumstances; because problems is a sense of adventure in sheep’s clothing.”—Temitope Owosela (via photographic-energy)
“You do not need to leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. Do not even listen, simply wait, be quiet, still and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked, it has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet.”—Franz Kafka (via myquotelibrary)